Last Entry: Experiences: April 15, 2013

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

My Six-Year-Old Soul Part makes Herself Known

I have not posted anything for a few months now. This is partially due to my indecision about how to share further about my six-year-old soul part. It is not my intention to place blame or to identify those involved, especially since what I believe happened is only based on a single partial memory, associated triggering behaviors, and my response to them. Instead, my intention is to share my experiences of working with a traumatic event within my life. Thus, the details of what I am about to share have been somewhat altered and I will not be discussing the trauma directly.

With this in mind, I will tell you that the trauma I believe my six-year-old soul part endured began to emerge during a counseling session in the Fall of 2007. The counselor here worked with me to re-story the events that occurred and also employed techniques from a body of energy work called "The Way of the Heart", to retrieve information from my body and to allow me to move through the stress of the event(s).

Shortly after this session, I had a dream. For the first part of the dream, I swore I was awake as two waves of energy hit me in the chest, like being resuscitated in a hospital. The dream went on to include a scene of several gaunt, hooded children with stubbly gray hair. As they unhooded themselves, I greeted them by saying hello. They said nothing, but simply stared at me intently with dark eyes.

I did not initially understand the dream, but within another counseling session I came to see that I was welcoming dead parts of myself back into my life. Then, at some point amongst the dream and the interpretation, I began to have a visceral experience of my six-year-old soul part clinging to my body for dear life, along with cravings for foods such as black licorice, ice cream, and potato chips (some of my childhood favorites). I'm not sure how long this lasted, but for at least several days I was either feeling her arms and legs tight around my neck and body or I was carrying her on my hip. All of which I noted as the very beginning of our integration process.

Another three years would pass until the next significant piece would appear to me. Throughout that time, however, I of course worked on integrating with my six-year-old by trying to get to know her better. But, I was also heavily involved with finding my life purpose or mission, which had probably been locked away with my six-year-old all these years.

More on the events of this time and the connection of my shoulder issues to my six-year-old soul part in the next post...

Friday, April 6, 2012

Developing Interest in Shamanism Leads to Soul Retrieval

Towards the end of 2005, I was drawn to a book called Singing the Soul Back Home: Shamanic Wisdom for Every Day by Caitlin Matthews. In part, I picked this book because I resonated with the title and I felt the sensation of wanting to return home, but I also had a curiosity about shamanism that I had never given myself the opportunity to explore before. Additionally, I remember a general sense of feeling lost within myself.

As I discussed this book and my surrounding feelings with my naturopath, she suggested that a soul retrieval might be helpful, with regard to my current neurological difficulties, and referred me to a shamanic healer. Meeting with the shaman, I expressed a desire to learn about shamanic journeying, as well as to receive a soul retrieval. So, I ended up having a few sessions on shamanic journeying prior to the soul retrieval.

My first attempts at shamanic journeying were very difficult and frustrating. I didn't know where to focus my attention or my eyes. In fact, it wasn't until I was listening to a chakra healing CD that I found myself drifting off into imagery that that didn't feel directed from my thoughts. As this happened, however, I could feel a subtle shift in sensation that I can only describe as smooth, serene, and vast. But, even this experience, did not improve my skill at shamanic journeying very much. Additionally, as I started to get better at engaging the appropriate space and focus, the images I received were hard for me to decipher.

I've worked with shamanic journeying on and off since then, but often without consistency. My confusion with the images and the my lack of trust in what I was receiving caused me to be frustrated and impatient. And yet, although I was not immediately able to understand the meaning of my images, I did begin to notice events in my life that seemed to be connected with these images. But these details would often come to me weeks after the actual shamanic journey and after some part of it was already playing out in my life. So, this became my starting point for learning about the images I was receiving.

Coming back now to working with the shamanic healer and to receiving a soul retrieval, I will share some of the details that have come to impact my life on various levels. The soul retrieval brought me: 1) knowledge of the power animals I had been unable to meet myself, 2) a 6-year-old soul part whose only clue about her presence was that it was "germane" at this time, and 3) a 22-year-old soul part that had been subject to a soul theft and came back for my intuition.

I recognized my 22-year-old soul part first, suspecting that she had left during a drinking induced blackout. This was an event that directly preceded approximately nine years of abstinence, which I chose out of recognition of having a drinking problem. As I kept this in mind within my discussions with my 22-year-old soul part, it became clear that reconnecting and integrating with her would required me to monitor my current drinking habits, which were quite different from the years before, and to earnestly practice my intuitive skill.

My 6-year-old soul part, however, was more difficult to figure out. I thought of a few situations during that period of my life, but I would come to know that none of these were associated with her. In fact, I did not come to understand what she was associated with until nearly two years later. But this is another story in and of itself to begin explaining in another posting, which will start to make connections between this 6-year-old soul part and pain I was suffering in my left shoulder.